Barbarian (2003 version)

Director: Henry Crum
Main actors: Michael O'Hearn, Irina Grigoryvea and Svetlana Metkina


The sword and sorcery genre is a category that can be fun to watch. They do not carry a deep meaning and have no pretence. There is something satisfying with primal scenes. Manly men who grunt and fight on an epic scale against the evil ruler. They always get the beautiful woman in the end after winning the last epic battle. As an extra ingredient it always has quest to find some magic item that will make the owner the ruler of the world. Those are the basic but yet working ingredients of the genre. The classic films is undoubtedly the brilliant "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) with Arnold Schwarzenegger and the really cool "The Barbarian Brothers" (1987) with the Paul brothers.

I would like to point out that I watched this version of Barbarian by mistake. And what a mistake it was. It is probably one of the worst films in existence. The plot is the classical one of the genre with our hero to rescue a captured princess as well as the three magical items. He who possess all three items will be immortal and rule the world. The evil ruler have called for a competition to the death by warriors and the price will be to become the general of the army. On the outset all is well even for a B movie.
However the script makes you cringe beyond belief. Even for a B movie this is so rubbish. The acting is awful. The "star" is Michael O'Hearn who is trying something but fails. All he manages is trying to look manly and flex his muscular physique. The movie also try to salvage itself presumably to appease the audience by having plenty of very scantily dressed women that all live in the harem of the evil ruler. There is a subplot with an Amazon warrior who is some sort of feminist lesbian champion of the harem. Of course she manages to free all the women using only kitchen utensils. Perhaps something for Gordon Ramsay to think about.
The poor barbarian is not a very good one. He doesn't even manage to win the final fight. The evil ruler is finally killed by the now freed and presumably emancipated Princess who finally kills the ruler and saves the viewer from this truly awful movie.

Rating: 0.5 of 5