Barbarian (2003 version)

Director: Henry Crum
Main actors: Michael O'Hearn, Irina Grigoryvea and Svetlana Metkina


The sword and sorcery genre is a category that can be fun to watch. They do not carry a deep meaning and have no pretence. There is something satisfying with primal scenes. Manly men who grunt and fight on an epic scale against the evil ruler. They always get the beautiful woman in the end after winning the last epic battle. As an extra ingredient it always has quest to find some magic item that will make the owner the ruler of the world. Those are the basic but yet working ingredients of the genre. The classic films is undoubtedly the brilliant "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) with Arnold Schwarzenegger and the really cool "The Barbarian Brothers" (1987) with the Paul brothers.

I would like to point out that I watched this version of Barbarian by mistake. And what a mistake it was. It is probably one of the worst films in existence. The plot is the classical one of the genre with our hero to rescue a captured princess as well as the three magical items. He who possess all three items will be immortal and rule the world. The evil ruler have called for a competition to the death by warriors and the price will be to become the general of the army. On the outset all is well even for a B movie.
However the script makes you cringe beyond belief. Even for a B movie this is so rubbish. The acting is awful. The "star" is Michael O'Hearn who is trying something but fails. All he manages is trying to look manly and flex his muscular physique. The movie also try to salvage itself presumably to appease the audience by having plenty of very scantily dressed women that all live in the harem of the evil ruler. There is a subplot with an Amazon warrior who is some sort of feminist lesbian champion of the harem. Of course she manages to free all the women using only kitchen utensils. Perhaps something for Gordon Ramsay to think about.
The poor barbarian is not a very good one. He doesn't even manage to win the final fight. The evil ruler is finally killed by the now freed and presumably emancipated Princess who finally kills the ruler and saves the viewer from this truly awful movie.

Rating: 0.5 of 5

The best exotic Marigold Hotel

This is a confused piece of cinema. It tries so hard to make everyone happy and it fails so miserable. A fantastic cast, feel good plot and a great location should be a recipe of success. Sadly it is not.
The story of a group of retired English people due to financial reasons decide to move to the Marigold hotel in Jaipur, India. What unravels is a story that does not make sense. There is moments of brilliant performances that is great. However as movie it does not work.
There is for example a "Brokeback mountain" moment where the former high court judge have found his long lost lover. After a night of talking with the now married former lover he dies of a heart attack. Nothing more comes out of this. This in itself could make the stuff of an entire movie.

Judie Dench plays a widow who has discovered that her late husband have amassed debts and is forced to sell her apartment. However she is forced to get a job in a call centre to make ends meet. There is never any explanation to the character nor any deeper exploration of her love for the Bill Nighy character.

The sub plot is around Dev Patel an his passion for the disaster that is the Marigold Hotel. It is in financial ruin but he has passion that the hotel will work. Just as his father did. It is a classical story that he will in the end make his mother and the world understand that his passion is greater than reason. This hapless character is almost a parody of itself. A young man trying to find himself and eventually does. It turns out that his mother ones was the girl that was not good enough to marry his father. It is almost sickening to watch.

The entire movie is saved by the fantastic performance of Maggie Smith. She is formidable as the former housekeeper who can not abide anything foreign that travels to India to have a hip replacement. Her search for rich tea biscuits is funny. It is obvious that she has a past that have been squashed. Eventually she bonds with a female servant of the untouchable class. There is some touching moments and once again we are reminded of how great of an actress she is. Her character eventually save the entire Marigold hotel and movie.

This movie had so much promise but it was predictable, uneventful and one was wondering when the movie actually would start. It is such a shame that it did not work. The script was jut to sloppy, to thin and did not know its own direction.

Rating: 2.5 of 5